Guidance during Grief
Why do we have this guide and why are we acknowledging grief at work?
This guide exists because acknowledging grief is part of any life stage. We are a human centric company that cares about supporting one another. We recognize that life events including loss significantly impact our people and therefore our workplace. By creating guidance, we create a safe space for anyone to know how to show up in a globally distributed, multicultural environment during loss and welcome all Doisters to contribute to this guide.
Leadership Guidance: Supporting a Grieving Team Member
Prioritize Empathy and Active Listening: Instead of offering unsolicited advice or platitudes, approach the team member with genuine empathy. Ask, “How are you doing today?” and truly listen to their response without judgment. Validate their feelings, acknowledging that what they are experiencing is profound and legitimate.
Maintain Routine, but keep offering and reminding them about our flexibility: Recognize that grief is exhausting and unpredictable. Work with the individual to temporarily adjust their workload, squad work or deadlines. See what pressure they can potentially delegate or hand-over to a peer or member of the larger team.
Communicate Clear Expectations (and Relief): While flexibility is key, uncertainty can also be stressful. Clearly communicate what duties are temporarily being covered by others and assure them that their primary focus should be their healing. Reiterate that essential tasks will be redistributed and they should not worry about “catching up” while they are actively grieving or on leave.
Check In Thoughtfully (and Respect Privacy): Establish a respectful cadence for checking in. A simple, occasional twist message: “No need to reply, just checking in and sending support,” can be helpful. Respect their need for privacy and allow them to initiate contact or discussion about their loss.
Direct Them to Available Resources: Ensure the team member is aware of all company-provided resources, but also guide them to use their wellness budget or growth budget for anything they might need (it could include things like therapy or coaching etc, but don’t offer that, simply remind them that these budgets are available to them). If they ask what support is available, simply highlight that some Doisters might require trauma counseling or a coach, to help them through this life stage and both their wellness budget or Growth budget can be utilised towards this. Remind them that the people team is also here to enable and uplift them as much as possible and if they need an additional avenue to talk to someone, they can always lean on this team.
Model and Encourage Team Support: As a leader, set the tone for compassionate team support. Encourage colleagues to offer practical help (like covering specific tasks or deadlines) rather than just asking general questions.
How to support a grieving colleague
Offer specific, practical help: Instead of “Let me know if I can do anything,” say, “Can I cover the leadership call for you tomorrow?” or “I can take care of the squad update” or “We would like to send you a few meals, what is your favourite food in your local location?”
Acknowledge the loss simply: A simple, “I was so sorry to hear about your loss,” is often enough. You don’t need details and should never ask for it.
Respect their process and pace: There is no timeline for grief. Avoid saying things like, “It’s time to move on.”
Maintain normal contact (gently): Continue to include them in casual conversations and team activities, but accept if they decline. A return to routine can be comforting.
Be a good listener, not a fixer: Listen without interrupting, giving advice, or sharing your own stories of loss unless they ask.
Check in later, too: A quiet check-in shows ongoing care.
IRL during Team Connect or a Company Retreat: it can be very overwhelming for the grieving Doister to see everyone else IRL. Focus on ensuring they know you are grateful to see them and spend time with them, ask them normal day to day questions for example: “how was your flight?” or “How are you doing?”. Don’t ask questions like: “how did it happen?” or “are you coping?”. Simply make sure they know you are there for them and if they need anything during the event or IRL, that they can reach out to you. Offer a walk or sitting at a meal together (especially if this is someone you have formed a friendship or close team-bond with) and help steer the conversations in the direction that the grieving Doister is taking it in. Also make sure you don’t immediately add any unnecessary pressure, for example: “hey, you have not sent me X that I asked you for”. You can follow this up async and first check when would be a good time to talk about it.
What to say to a fellow Doister when someone dies
“I was so sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathies.”
“There’s no pressure to respond, but I wanted to let you know we are all thinking of you.”
“We are here to support you.”
“Please take all the time you need. Your wellbeing is our priority right now.”
Once you’ve reached out, your most important job is simply to listen. Let them lead the conversation, sharing only as much as they feel up to in the moment. Remember that your consistent, supportive presence often speaks louder ‘perfect‘ sentiment. However, good intentions can sometimes lead to accidental missteps. To ensure your support lands the way you intend, here is how to navigate common communication pitfalls.
What should you avoid
When we try to make things better, we risk making the grieving person feel unseen. Platitudes like “they’re in a better place” often ring hollow, and comparing their tragedy to your own life can inadvertently minimize their unique experience.
Instead, offer companionship without conditions. Make it clear that you are there to sit with them in the discomfort, not to rush them through it.
Returning to work
The transition back to work after a significant loss can be one of the most challenging parts of the grieving process. It is a highly personal experience that requires patience, flexibility, and clear communication between the returning Doister, their manager, and their team. Herewith some guidance for a returning Doister:
Communicate your needs clearly: Talk to your manager before your return date about what a manageable initial schedule looks like. Be honest about your energy levels and capacity.
Start small and build up: Consider a phased return, perhaps with reduced hours or fewer days per week initially, if possible. Avoid immediately jumping back into a full, demanding schedule.
Define temporary boundaries: Identify tasks or projects that might be emotionally triggering or too demanding right now and ask for them to remain covered or reassigned temporarily.
Establish a safe ‘word’ or signal: Agree with your manager on a subtle way to signal when you are having a difficult moment and need to step away without having to explain or apologize.
Utilize available resources: Doist offers a personal emergency guideline, wellness budget and growth budget towards any type of counseling, therapy or coaching. None of this might be applicable at that time, but it is available to support the Doister as much as possible. If you want to sound board options, reach out to Nadia or Andrew from the people team.
Be patient with yourself: Focus on small victories. It is normal for focus, productivity, and energy to fluctuate. Your worth is not tied to your current output.
How to normalise emotions within the team you are in
Model Vulnerability (from Leadership): Leaders and managers should occasionally and appropriately share their own human experiences and emotions (not necessarily grief, but general life struggles) to show that feeling and expressing emotions is safe and welcomed, setting a standard for psychological safety.
Dedicated Check-in Space: Dedicate 5-10 minutes at the start or end of a regular team meeting for a non-work-related ‘emotional temperature check’ where sharing is voluntary and focused on humanity, not productivity.
Acknowledge and Name the Difficulty: When a team member is grieving, the team should acknowledge the reality of the situation (e.g., “We know Sarah is going through a hard time, and it’s normal for us to feel a bit off too.”) to validate collective emotional impact.
Reinforce the “We Over Me” Mentality: Explicitly communicate that the team's priority during times of grief is supporting the individual, not maintaining perfect output, reinforcing that temporary dips in productivity are an acceptable part of being a human-centric organization.
Create a “No Apologies for Being Human” Policy: Encourage team members to take breaks, reschedule, or communicate low capacity without feeling the need to apologize for their emotional state or grieving process.
Understanding the grieving process
Grief rarely follows a schedule. Instead of moving through set stages, people often experience a volatile mix of emotions—from numbness to anger to relief—without any clear order.
Because every journey is personal, there is no “right” way to cope. Do not try to measure their recovery; instead, simply offer space. Be the steady presence in their changing world. Remember that supporting a grieving employee isn't about knowing exactly what to do—it’s about being consistent, respectful, and kind.
Resources to support a grieving Doister
A guide for Grief (slightly US centric, but very good regardless)